Humor In Uniform

Time to take a break... Every once in a while we need to pause, take a deep breath and step outside of the daily grind. So without making apologies if I step on some political toes here are some humorous moments from days gone by. You deserve a chuckle for enduring today’s weirdness.

While in the Navy (late 1960s & early 1970s) my favorite watches were mid watches – a 2 hour watch between midnight and 0400. Those scheduled to have a mid watch could to go to the mess hall before, or after their watch and get something to eat. Daytime cooks were civilians on contract. They didn’t care how the food was prepared or tasted. Daytime meals tended to be lousy. At night, regular Navy cooks were on duty. Since there were few customers they were willing to cook up a breakfast steak and eggs to order, or whatever else was available. I got into the habit of stopping by and filling the pockets of my jacket with bananas, apples or other goodies to eat while I patrolled... strictly NOT by the rules!

The school’s HQ was the best place to have a roving night patrol. The only ones on duty were a couple of guys at the main desk on the first floor, and the roving patrol. As long as we checked in at the stations on each floor, no one really cared if we stood in one place for 15 minutes. I was walking down the hall on the second floor munching on an apple when I saw an officer coming down the hall. It was too late to conceal my actions. We were not supposed to eat on watch. My jacket pockets were bulging with another apple and a couple of bananas. I quickly swallowed my mouthful and snapped a salute as he approached. Oh, Lord! It was the school’s Commanding Officer!

Caught red handed. He looked me over and saw what I was eating, “You have another one of those?” he asked.

“Uh... yes, sir.” I dug the apple out my jacket and handed it to him.

“Mind if I walk along with you for a bit?”

Who was I to tell the C.O. no? As we walked from station to station, he talked about various things as he munched on the apple. He asked me if I knew how to make coffee. After replying in the affirmative, he asked me to make a pot as there was none in the break room. We went downstairs and I made a pot of coffee. He thanked me for the apple and the coffee and I returned to my watch duties. Seems he periodically had attacks of insomnia and would come to the school HQ and walk around until he got tired enough to go to sleep. He must have kept an eye on the watch roster because he always showed up when I was on watch. I made sure I always had an apple or other goody for the C.O.

After few times of this he asked me if I played chess. I said yes, I liked to play and he invited me to play a game with him. I hesitated as I was supposed to be on watch. He said not to worry, he would make sure I had time to clock in at the checkpoints. From that night on while I was at Mare Island Naval Schools Command the C.O. and I would play chess, drink coffee and eat the donuts he always brought. What a sigh of relief!

Later on after finishing basic electronics school, we had a few days with little to do besides stand a 4 hour watch every other day or three. With that much time on our hands we were constantly looking for something to do. My buddy John Reid got the idea of renting a boat and motor from Activities. You could get recreational gear from volleyball setups to fishing gear for a very cheap rent. We rented a 14-foot boat and 10-hp outboard motor, some fishing gear and took off up the Napa River. The Napa River runs from the hills in and around Napa County, north of San Francisco and ends up almost under the Golden Gate Bridge.

We explored side streams and tried to fish without luck. With a few hours left before we had to return to base, we turned around and headed back down river to see what was below the base. By the time we were a mile below base the tide turned and coupled with the river current the water became a force to be reckoned with. Our little outboard didn’t have enough power to move us against the current and we were slowly taken against our will down river into San Francisco bay. The further into the bay we got the higher the waves became and our little boat was tossed about like a cork. By turning the craft’s bow into the waves we were able to ride it out. Once the tide turned we made our way at a crawl back up the river and finally docked at the base. That was the last time we did that!

Sometimes what looks great can turn out to be something you wish you never did. I’m fairly sure that many of the younger left wing activists (aka rioters) will have some serious “wish I hadn’t done that” moments when they get older. Then again, we’ll regret electing the socialistic politicians who might put them on their payroll so they won’t have to do anything except be ready to riot again when needed to further the leftist agenda. Some politicians are more able to change colors and go with what they think is the flow than stand up and do what we elected them to do. We need to weed them out.