Look Twice at Reality

I was watching a replay of sorts, a talent contest, when one of the contestants said “you can’t wait until life is perfect to feel happy.”

It is a very insightful challenge for so few words. It is akin to the cycling challenge: “Wait for perfect weather and you will never ride.”

But what constitutes happiness, or did she really mean contentment? Can you be more, or less, happy depending on your circumstances? If so, happiness is an emotion that varies with your situation. You’re happy when the kids play together well, but not when the tire goes flat on the way to the babysitter.

You’re happy when you get a raise, and not so much when taxes take most of it. A young couple is more than happy to find out they will be parents. Does that happiness ebb and flow or is it really a joy that surpasses circumstances?

Recent events have caused conversations, but not always in public.

I was in a meeting a few days ago that ended with an unrelated conversation. It was a conversation that is probably being quietly addressed in many coffee shops and sidewalk benches, but this one got a little wider.

The conversation after the meeting included references to loss. Of the small group of friends and business associates, there were as many experiences as there were people present: parents, children and friends. I was struck by how each person in this circle changed because of the person they had to let go of. It is the part of life that makes a person analyze life as we know it.

At its basic, the one common thread is life changes when you face death, the life of the survivor is no longer the same. Values change, perspectives on life change, even the recklessness of youth. The drive to be top dog in the company becomes less important than walks in the park or short day-trips for no other reason than because.

Grief has a way of making a person feel like they are facing the “Angel of Death” alone. The brother guarding “your six” is MIA, the two at each side have been taken out and the two in front are melting in their own fear… or so it feels.

The reality shown in this moment of conversation is everyone is touched by loss; many by suicide.

Much as this sounds like a call for campfires and perfect rainbows, there is something to having a network, friends you can depend on to call and check on you, and you them, especially when walking through some of life’s darkness.

In the May 26 community conversation on suicide, a needed correction was made to a well-established cliche. “Cowboy Up” is often thought of as someone who pulls himself out of the darkness, wipes the sweat and dirt from his forehead and gets back in the fight.

While that is admirable, a better Cowboy Up is when someone stands in the gap for you. That is just as evident in the rural communities. Count how many times a farmer in need received the help of local agriculturalists for no more reason than it is the right thing to do.

They did it because their neighbor in need wouldn’t get the job done without some help. They didn’t send a bill. They didn’t expect compensation. They helped out a neighbor, knowing well that at any given moment they could be the ones needing help.

Likewise, the comment from the singer reminds me of a thought that predates social media and the massive collision of thoughts that came with it. “The robin doesn’t sing because he is happy. He is happy because he sings.” Maybe some of the effort to get past the traumas of life includes looking above our circumstances.

Does the farm family who sees a convoy of trucks and related equipment ready to bring in the wheat or corn lose a bittersweet tear?

My guess is rightly so out of pride for the community they are part of, and for pain they are walking through. Some pain is hard to get over, but with community, we can get past it.