In Search of Civil Discourse

I walked through a dounut shop recently, before in-house seating was returned, and found the SOFTIES busy solving the world's problems, at a picnic table outside of the doors.

They were following the new social norms, mostly. There were about six at the table, six who looked like they have spent so much life together they knew each other better than their wives did.

It is a scene repeated in coffee houses, and lunch and breakfast counters frequently, especially in small towns and close-knit neighborhoods. It is also a glaring missing link in how some regions are managing their populations in relation to the COVID-19. Stay home. Wear a mask. Wear a mask and maintain a distance of six-feet or more.

Meanwhile the theory of "Six Degrees of Separation" is being played in reverse. While it is true that we are six degrees away from each other, the separation expands with the length of time we cannot share a smile, a cup of coffee at a favorite eatery or, in some places even a park.

I have to wonder if it is already manifesting a hopefully unintended consequence. Keep in mind, I do believe there is a virus, and precautions do need to be maintained. However, I do think we all need to ask questions, and ask again until it makes sense. I have been in discussions in person and in social media where the focus quickly changed from a polite, or at least civil, discussion of what-if and why is it when it comes to current implied standards. Sometimes, it is like two men in the park arguing about a battle neither one can fully recall. Other times, a positive end is reached, at least an end where each understood the other. Then there is the third result.

Learning is about observing, and about asking the probing questions. Sometimes, it takes that one question to cause enough discomfort to consider what you thought were hard facts. At that point, you have a choice to make: correct course or accept what you've always done. But what happens when someone poses a question, a two-part question, and the person asks bristles so quickly the discourse devolves into a verbal firefight? What happens when the equation is flipped as if the fact-provider to the other person is given such high regard that person is almost given god-status?

The simple answer is the chasm broadens to the point communication stops. There is no more dialogue. There are accusations of misinformation, disrespect of others and pointless rebellion against authority. I need to stress "pointless" because there are apparent exceptions, people with a blatant disregard for an organized society. What should concern all of us is the lack of interest, especially behind the electronic cloak of social media, of adult-like, respectful dialogue. There is an increasing number of people who pick and choose what media to use, what set of facts/information to accept and then to say everyone else is wrong.

Society progresses by learning from each other. We don't improve our relationships with each other by demanding the government make more laws. We improve by looking inside ourselves and making changes. We improve by inviting productive conversations with people we may have assumed we had nothing in common with. We don't move ahead by shutting down every question that is uncomfortable. If we really want change, if we really want to see through the countless issues hitting us, we need to remember the importance of coffee dates, those times when two or more can gather for the conversation, to share experiences and perspectives on life.

It doesn't happen when a simple question is treated like an assault on reason.