How 'Toxic' is Manhood?

The few seconds I’ve seen of the Gillette commercial doesn’t do much for the image of manhood. A row of men standing in front of charcoal grills as if that is their lot in life. They are cavemen in button-up shirts. Another clip is of two young boys fighting in the yard with apparent dads light-heartedly saying “boys will be boys.”

Trying to conduct a little research, I find Toxic Masculinity is hidden in the realm of sociology defining and redefining genders. It would seem that any term used that frequently would have an easily-accessible definition that would make sense to a reasonably intelligent person. Interestingly, I see references to heavy metal music bands, and definitions that can’t really explain themselves without using the word needing definition.

The exception is medicine. Medicine.net defines toxicity as “the degree to which a substance (a toxin or poison) can harm humans or animals. Acute toxicity involves harmful effects in an organism through a single or short-term exposure.”

I truly hope this isn’t where Toxic Masculinity started. The definition labels the substance a toxin or poison from the beginning. Are we really expected to believe manhood is harmful to humanity? I’m not excusing men who do have a toxic personality. Is it like other convenient derogatory terms applied when convenient but redefined when it doesn’t fit context? What would have happened to the human race if the male gender was known for a quivering lip and no curiosity of what lies beyond the next horizon?

Yes, men should know how to cook, how to clean up after cooking and how to carefully choose words when reaching to the heart of his wife or girlfriend. But men should not feel like they are living in social condemnation any more than a woman should live in fear of a man. They should know how to talk civilly and have times to embrace the wildness in the souls. Get the parts mixed up and life is a mess.

The first time I heard the phrase it was not positive or productive. It was as if the author of the ideal had no interest in correcting course. Elevating women in society meant lowering the place of men. I guess I wasn’t aware it is a winner-take-all contest.

The question is are we overthinking the issue? Yes, there are men who spend a lifetime behaving badly. Yes, we have an epidemic of fatherless homes. And yes, we have countless television shows and sitcoms with inept men in the scripts. People who deliberately or by default rely on Hollywood for male role models should be disappointed. Fathers whose values are everywhere except the home are missing the target.

Every man, and woman, has moments when he or she does not act as he knows he should. Welcome to the human race. The advertising is right that men can’t do it alone, but neither can women. The ad is also right that we can improve our attitude and performance. But that doesn’t mean we are the enemy. Some men spend their lives in a state of juvenile values. But others push through to adulthood, pick their confrontations as carefully as they can and do their best to live in peace with those around them.

The new philosophy reminds me of a movement several years ago encouraging men to support other men, to recognize we need each other. Beers in the garage, or whatever is your choice of drink, does not mean men are isolationist cavemen. It means they are spending time together as friends, brothers in a sense. It is when men of like mind recall glory days, and dream of new adventures.

To their credit, Gillette and Proctor & Gamble did at least one thing right: they ignited the conversation.