Cancer survivor chosen for fly-fishing retreat

Sidney resident and breast cancer survivor Marti Stevens has found new friends, new support and more serenity after being chosen to attend Casting for Recovery.

It's a free, fly-fishing retreat held to improve the quality of life for women with breast cancer through the therapeutic sport.

Fourteen women were chosen through a lottery to spend a weekend last month in Valentine, Neb., to learn fly-fishing techniques, receive counseling and to communicate with other women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer.

"It's phenomenal," Stevens said. "It's relaxing, it's fun, and I met a thousand more women and the circle got bigger and wider."

The "circle" is the ring of supportive women Stevens has found since her diagnosis. Before finding her circle, dealing with the diagnosis was very rough.

It was Mother's Day about four years ago when Stevens, a caretaker for elderly patients, first knew something wasn't right.

"I love cooking," she said. "So I made a big Mother's Day dinner, and had all the siblings in my mom's apartment. Really lovely day, beautiful day outside. I went home and, for some reason – I don't know if you've ever experienced where you want to just cry, and you don't know why – it happened. I never experienced that in my life."

Stevens went home and cried for awhile.

"There was something wrong," she said. "I just don't cry."

The following day, she took her father to a doctor appointment and thought to ask a nurse when her last mammogram and pap smear had been. Normally, Stevens had them done regularly.

The nurse replied and said it had been two years since Stevens' last exam. She was shocked at how she had let the time pass.

"I made sure my clients did their stuff, but not me," she said.

She went to get examined the very next day. It turned out she had three lumps in her breast.

A couple weeks later, it was Stevens' birthday when her doctor in Denver told her she had cancer.

"I could never pronounce the word," she recalled. "I said, 'I got the 'C'?"

Stevens had a difficult time accepting it at first. She wanted to be sure it was true. She wanted second and third opinions.

"I thought, 'What if they open me up and there's nothing there?' " she said.

"I don't think it really ever fazed me until a real neat song came on the radio by Faith Hill, and it's called "I Just Want to Go Home," she said. "When that came on I thought, 'I just want to go home. They got the wrong person in Denver – the wrong Marti Stevens."

To make matters more difficult, some of the doctors Stevens consulted were not as sympathetic as she felt they should have been.

She felt alone, misunderstood and afraid, both before and after her mastectomy.

"When I was diagnosed, I never really talked about it," she said. "I didn't really talk to anybody about it."

She sought out a support group here in Sidney, but it wasn't what she had hoped for. Stevens took her search farther, and found a support group in Scottsbluff that made her feel at home.

"I opened up when I saw more people and understood more about cancer," she said. "I stood up and I said, 'I want to commend you all, because I've found what I've been looking for – my circle. I have a family, but I have my new family where we can talk about what we all have.'

"Unless you have it, you can't consult each other. If you don't, it's hard. I was pushing my loved ones aside because, they'll never know, and I pray to God they don't. Because it was hard when I was told. I'm like, 'It's me, a CNA who's taken care of people and been around all this stuff and never thought it would happen to me.' "

Other women in Stevens' support groups began to look to her as a strong, supportive woman who helped them to open up and feel comfortable.

"I guess with me opening up and talking about it now, I'm finding more people saying, 'How could you do it? You've done so good by yourself,' " she said.

Stevens has come a long way toward growing beyond the difficulties she experienced, but still sometimes misses the woman she was before she got cancer.

"I have a picture on my TV stand of me and my mom," she said. "I look at that all the time and I ask God, 'Where is she? Will she ever come back?' Those are questions you'll never understand unless you go through it. And it's hard. But no one knows."

Stevens' Casting for Recovery retreat was a much-needed boost of support.

"When you're out there in the wilderness," she said. "The sky is so blue, the water's so quiet, and there's just two people out there – one is (fishing) and one is your guide – you feel like you're really there by God and saying 'I can do it. I am OK.' "

For other people who are finding out they have breast cancer, Stevens gave some advice.

"My advice is to find somebody who has been through it, who has gone through it, and talk to them," she said. "I didn't find it here. I had traveled. I went to Scottsbluff and I went to Valentine. I would go farther. I want to know more. I want to be, now, that person that they come back and say 'Honey, we can sit down and talk, and we can cry together, because you're not alone.'

"Find your circle. That's important. Once you find that circle, you'll understand what I'm saying. Don't be afraid to look for that circle, because it's out there. If you know somebody's going through it, look for them and ask questions, because you're not alone."

Stevens encourages all women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer to apply for Casting for Recovery.

"I'm a survivor," she said. "I thank God every day. I thank God."

To find out more about Casting for Recovery, visit their website at http://www.castingforrecovery.org.