Tales of a coffee-holic: Signs of life

I recently saw a sign hung on the wall of an area business that stuck out to me. It read, “Anything that makes you smile, giggle or laugh buy it or marry it.”

Although I’m sure the sign was meant to be cute and funny and not words of advice to live by, it made me wonder what would happen if we all began basing our life choices on prolific sayings and quotations. Sure these tidbits that we deck our homes and workplaces with can be inspiring and can keep us going on a bad day, but what if we really lived by their advice?

If I married every man who made me laugh, I would be looking back on countless divorces to obnoxious individuals I met in bars when I was 21. I find my dad hilarious, but I’m not thinking about marrying him. I’m well aware of how terrible he is at housework. I find myself pretty funny. That might work out. I could have a big party, before which I tell myself how much I love myself in a commitment ceremony. Of course, I would know that I was lying and the whole thing would start out on a note of mistrust.

Buying everything that makes you giggle is not a good move, either. If I bought everything that made me giggle, I would own a lot of abstract concepts and people falling down. I don’t know how one owns those things. I would also own hundreds of puppies I saw doing cute things in internet videos. The sign doesn’t specify what or whom you should marry or buy. Can I try to buy a man I find hilarious or should I marry a meme? Sorry sign, I just cannot figure out how to live by your advice.

How many times have I seen a Facebook status stating “Jesus, take the wheel?” Sure, I understand the sentiment, but no one should take that quote literally.

I ardently hope that none of you drive down Interstate 80, decide it’s time for a nap and look at the sky to yell “Jesus, you got this right?” followed by a snooze. I do not think the outcome would be beneficial to anyone.

The ever popular James Dean quote, “Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today” is probably not sound advice. It’s great to dream big and remember that time is precious in order to better appreciate life. If one were really to follow this advice, I think it would prove fairly disastrous. If you dream as if you’ll live forever, you’ll be crazy stressed over your retirement account. You’ll never be able to save for a retirement that begins at 65 and lasts forever.

If one actually decided to live as if she’ll die today, she’d probably be panicking all day wondering when the big event will go down. If she lived every day in that fashion, her loved ones would find her clingy for always telling them her deepest feelings and wanting to spend every moment at their side. She’d probably quit her job. Why put up with any inconvenience if you know you’ll be dying later?

Of course these little sayings all mean something different to everyone who reads them. Most of them probably have a positive impact for those who look to them for a pick-me-up when life doesn’t make sense.

Just remember not to take them literally. We all have enough mistakes in our pasts without adding an impromptu proposal to a guy who made us laugh in line at the gas station to add to them.