Why pay?

In the Marx Brothers classic "Horse Feathers," college president Groucho goes in search of the best football players he can buy in advance of the big game. Unfortunately he ends up with Chico and Harpo.

Chico, as quarterback, warns an opposing linebacker "hey, watch out--you wanna get hurt? We're going to throw a forward pass."

OK, so they bumble to victory in the end, thanks to a few stretches in logic. Harpo’s touchdown run in a horse drawn cart full of footballs—each counting six points—saves the day.

At the core of the comic farce was a singular truth: college rosters in that day and age s...