It's Mines

I have said one of the first methods in fighting depression is getting to truly know yourself, and that is undeniable truth.

But what I can’t tell anyone is how to do that, because everyone is different and everyone may have a different way of understanding and accepting who they are – who they really are.

For me it was many, many tests.

As silly as it sounds I took as many tests as I could find that were considered reliable personality tests.

I am not saying those tests offered by Facebook, but credible psychological tests that help people explore their inner beings, as long as you are willing to answer the questions honestly.

Due to the need to remember who I am and to know me, I did just that: answered every question honestly even if the answer was embarrassing to me.

We all have those things that we even hate to admit to ourselves, but in order to truly know yourself and accept yourself to help yourself gain control of yourself this is a must, otherwise you are still just lying to yourself.

After all, isn’t it important to truly know yourself so you can accept who and what you are, in turn changing the world around you and within you?

I am not afraid to admit I had to separate myself from the outer world for a time being, not going out with friends or really keeping up with them.

This was easy since my mom had just died and well, no offense, but people tend to stay away when death occurs, especially a tragic death or unexpected death.

It is nothing against anyone, I would be the first to tell you I do not deal well with death, it is something I have come to understand and accept about myself, because of all the losses I have had and how very surface level it still is.

So staying away from people became easy once I made the decision to dig deeper into who I am.

I also had to separate myself from others so my viewpoint would not be skewed.

I tend to be empathetic to the point of allowing other’s feelings to be absorbed within me, another thing I have come to understand and accept about myself.

The point here is I did everything I had to do to ensure the “soul searching” I was doing was true only to me, because it was me who I was searching for.

I still had my family to look after. I was very fortunate to have such a wonderful husband who stepped in and helped me out on the worst of my days.

Finding who you are is hard; understanding the whole of who you are is hard; truly knowing who you are is hard; and, accepting everything about who you are is even harder.

This means you have to take everything from your past, your present and the future of who you are and can be, and not just see it but know it, be it, fix it, live it, accept it, embrace it, but most importantly love it.

All of it, the good the bad and the in between, whether it was you who did it or it was done to you – it is the hardest thing to do because it means forgiveness, not just of others, but yourself.

No, I didn’t like a lot of me, as a matter of fact there wasn’t much about what I had become I did like, but I also knew a lot of what I had become was not who I actually was.

I knew there were fundamentals within me (in everyone) that were the basis of who I am, both the good and the bad, and from this knowledge I had a foundation to start building myself again.

Did I ever fall backwards after all this work?

Of course!

I am a flawed human being who understands to become is an endless process that I will work on for the whole of my life, because when I stop – as I had a few times for a moment – I become stagnate.

Do I accept even my flaws?

Absolutely!

Do I work on my flaws?

Every day!

Have I changed some of my flaws?

Yes I have, but I have also understood some of those things others may see as flaws are just who I am – pieces of me who make me who I am.

For example, I am opinionated and out spoken, but I do not speak of things I do not already know about, it is how I groomed and fixed that flaw.

I also pick my battles well, instead of fighting everything – these days even with my children.

To fight a useless battle is a waste of energy and well, arguing with a fool makes me the biggest fool of all.

Do I sometimes fall backwards there too?

Of course, I am riddled with human nature and you know what, that is okay, because I accept that about myself and others.

From getting to know exactly who I am, and truly knowing myself, I found a great peace, but also know in order to keep this I have to work at it every day.

In this acceptance of myself and knowledge of who and what I am I have found less of a struggle with depression.

And in turn this work I have done in knowing who I am has changed the world around me, there are fewer grey and gloomy days, even on the hard days.

I learned my triggers for depression, I learned what I can do to continue to pull myself out of a hole. I learned that loving myself means when I need help I know exactly who to go to that will help.

I learned the valuable lesson of how to truly love who I am.

Do those self-doubting, self-destructive thoughts tickle my head on occasion?

Yes they sure do, but the difference is I know it’s not really who I am, it is a symptom of something I can control now.

Knowing myself was the first step toward fighting depression and changing my world, next week I will share the second step I took – taking care of me physically.

I would like to end this week by sharing two quotes from my favorite teachers, “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop,” ~ Confucius,” ~ Lao Tzu, “He who is victorious over others has strength; But he who is victorious over himself will have the potency of a swarm of bees.”

Until next week be well be happy, smile much and laugh heartily…..

Contact Tina Mines at [email protected].