Candlelight remembers children

A light can be signified by a flashlight checking for monsters under the bed, a sun coming up over cornfields, or even a shooting star. But a light can also symbolize something as important as remembrance.

Mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, grandmothers and grandfathers, and friends all gathered Dec. 9 at Trinity Lutheran Church- South Divide in Sidney at 2 p.m. to remember the loved ones that have gone before them.

The Worldwide Candle Lighting Ceremony is put on every second December by The Compassionate Friends organization and serves as a remembrance for children who have died. This year marked the eighth annual candle lighting ceremony in Sidney and 15th worldwide.

Co-chairmen of Sidney’s The Compassionate Friends group are couples Rob and Pam Robinson and Randy and Deanna Flamig. Both couples have lost children of their own, which prompted them to join the organization and coordinate the lighting ceremony each year.

“Passionate Friends is a bereavement group for people who have lost children,” Rob said. Losing a child is unimaginable until it happens to you, all four co-chairmen said.

“Losing a child is out of the normal cycle of life. It’s very difficult to go through,” Deanna said.

“You never think it’s going to happen to you,” Randy added.

The Flamigs, who lost their son in Nov. 2005, said that joining The Compassionate Friends group right after it happened helped them begin to cope with the tragedy.

“We went to a meeting and felt the compassion right away,” Deanna said.

The worldwide candle light ceremony is supposed to start at 7 p.m. and the different time zones are meant to light their candles one after the other.

“One time zone goes and then the next time zone starts the light and it just flows,” Deanna said.

The candle lighting ceremony serves as a remembrance and is open to anyone, but is for any family that has lost a child, sibling or grandchild, Randy said.

“It’s a reminder that their light is still with us. They still are and were a part of our lives,” the Flamigs said.

The ceremony consists of poem readings, music, the candle lighting for each child as their name is read, a video of all the children’s pictures and the hanging of ornaments with the children’s pictures on the angel tree.

The names of children are only read if the parents give permission, Deanna said.

If you are not able to attend the ceremony, Pam said that your child’s name will still be read and they will still be remembered. Over a hundred families usually attend, Pam said.

Along with the children’s names in the video are their birth date and angel date, Pam said.

The Compassionate Friends is an organization that helps the community heal, the four co-chairmen said.

“This organization is good to have in the community. A lot of people are too scared to use it because they are grieving and hurting and the last thing they want to do is open up that wound again,” Randy said. “Grief is something you have to go through, you can’t just hold back.”

“Your fear is that your kids will be forgotten. We can share our memories and our tough times,” Deanna said. “It’s very vital to the community. It takes a lot of courage to go to a meeting, but once you do go you feel the compassion and are able to talk about your kids.”

Being a part of The Compassionate Friends organization has helped both the Robinsons and the Flamigs deal with their grief.

“The more you tell your story, the easier it becomes to tell your story,” Deanna said.

“It has helped us with our grief to help others,” Pam said.

“We became a family. It’s a horrible situation but we are all connected by tragedy,” Randy said.“It’s an organization you don’t want to belong to, but you’re glad it’s there for you.”

The lighting is an important ceremony that helps parents know there child is remembered, Pam said.

“Just to know that your child is remembered. To hear their name means so much to so many people. Because they don’t want to forget, and they don’t want you to forget that they were here,” Pam said. “One of the biggest things for anyone who has lost a child is to remember. It gives them one time a year, no matter where they are, the chance to say their child’s name and being able to remember themin a public way.”

To join Sidney’s The Compassionate Friends organization, you can contact Pam Robinson at 308-254-6354 or email [email protected].

“Once you lose a child your life is never the same,” Pam said.

“It is changed forever,” added Rob.